Open relationship: Woman wants to have sex with other men before wedding

A girl desires to marry her boyfriend however a problem is standing in the best way of them making their method down the aisle.

Welcome to Relationship Rehab, information.com.au’s weekly column fixing all of your romantic issues, no holds barred.

This week, our resident sexologist Isiah McKimmie hears from a reader who desires recommendation on tips on how to ask her boyfriend to have an open relationship for six months earlier than she agrees to marry him.

QUESTION: I’m with the person I do know I wish to spend the remainder of my life with. He’s sort, humorous, and loves me to dying. The solely drawback is that we met when he was 21 and I used to be simply 17. We’ve been collectively six years and he desires to get married however I’ve reservations. My fundamental subject is that he’s my solely critical relationship and one in every of solely two males I’ve ever had intercourse with. I want to have six months the place we each see and sleep with different individuals earlier than we get married. Do you assume that’s a good factor to ask of him? And how ought to I method the dialog?

ANSWER: It sounds such as you’re primarily asking to open up your relationship for a time frame, earlier than settling down and getting married. There’s quite a bit to contemplate right here and isn’t going to be a simple dialogue to have.

I do perceive your dilemma and your curiosity to expertise being with different individuals. I’ve seen various shoppers who had related reservations to you, however went by means of with their marriage anyhow. Years into their marriage they continued to surprise what it could be wish to be with another person. Some even felt like their relationship would have been improved by with the ability to discover and have completely different experiences first.

While there’s no analysis that I’m conscious of that reveals relationship different individuals first improves a wedding, deciding to open a relationship is a sound selection.

What to contemplate earlier than opening up your relationship

Couples select to open their relationship for quite a lot of causes and, for a lot of {couples}, it’s the correct determination. However, open relationships aren’t the proper selection for everybody and ‘opening’ a relationship that has beforehand been monogamous is dangerous.

It’s unattainable to ensure there gained’t be unfavorable penalties of opening up your relationship. Feelings of damage, jealousy and betrayal can (and do) come up, however there are steps you may take earlier than you open your relationships to scale back the possibility of unfavorable penalties.

Be clear in your causes

Get actually clear on why that is vital to you and what you’re hoping the end result can be. This will assist with your individual peace of thoughts and also will enable you talk to your companion.

Communicate – quite a bit

The largest mistake I see {couples} make when selecting to ‘open their relationship’ will not be speaking sufficient about their wants and expectations.

There are many issues to contemplate in opening a relationship. To give your relationship one of the best likelihood of surviving this, you’ll additionally must maintain the dialog open all through your ‘open period’. Be ready for this to be many conversations, not only one.

You want to know one another’s wants and clarify agreements about what your ‘rules’ can be.

For instance:

Will you inform one another about who you see? Can you every date or be intimate with anybody? Are sure individuals off-limits? What when you don’t like who the opposite individual has chosen? What will you do after 6 months? What strategies of secure intercourse do you anticipate one another to make use of?

You’ll additionally must be clear on what you wish to occur together with your present relationship throughout this time. Will you proceed to see one another when you’re seeing different individuals?

Discuss how and if you’ll assist one another

Seeing different individuals is, in some ways, the straightforward half. It’s coping with the emotions that come up afterwards that {couples} wrestle with. What will you do if both of you doesn’t really feel okay afterwards?

This is a giant determination

If that is beginning to really feel like quite a bit, it’s. It’s not a call to make, or a problem to lift, frivolously. Be conscious that even you voicing your need for this might influence your relationship. Take a while to ensure that is actually what you need earlier than discussing it.

Has your companion given any sort of indication about whether or not he can be keen to attempt one thing like this? Raise the difficulty frivolously first to see how he responds. Your subsequent step, when you select to go forward is to take a seat down and share what you need and why it’s vital to you. You’ll have quite a bit to debate from there.

As a therapist, my function isn’t to inform individuals what I believe they need to do, however to share instruments and provide assist to allow them to discover the correct solutions themselves. If I have been your therapist, I’d nevertheless be advising you to maneuver very cautiously with this determination.

It seems like you might have one thing unimaginable with this man. The grass isn’t all the time greener some other place.

Isiah McKimmie is a {couples} therapist, sexologist, intercourse therapist and lecturer. To ebook a session along with her, go to her web site or observe her on Instagram for extra recommendation on relationships, intercourse and intimacy.

Originally revealed as Woman’s intercourse request earlier than marriage ceremony

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